My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
