I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
