Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
