I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my poor anus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
