when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
