I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My breath smells like gin and sadness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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