I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
