I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
