got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
