Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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