Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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