I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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