we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
