Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
