first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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