I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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