Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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