is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
