Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
