I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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