your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
