please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Houston, we have a blender
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
