I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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