roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want nice things and good sex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize