You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
