just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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