i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
