well you can't waste a boner
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
