I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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