Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
