So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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