So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
