can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
