Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
