Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
