my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I want is dick and wine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
