Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
