I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
