Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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