i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
