Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
