why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
