Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
