Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
