I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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