Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
