How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
