He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
