You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
is it fun? or sober?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
