This girl is more easily done than said...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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