Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
