that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You can't motorboat a personality
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
