I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
time to smoke my breakfast
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
