is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
