I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
