I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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