meet me or not, i'm out of control
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
