haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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