Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
