Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
