I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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