were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
