He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize