my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
