I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
