I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
