I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
