How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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